Hawke Read online

  I shake my head and pick up the beer, taking a healthy slug. I don't put it down, but keep swallowing until I knock back half the bottle. The fizz instantly goes to my head and I feel dizzy, and it's sad how far the party girl Vale Campbell has fallen. A beer and a half and I have a buzz.

  Taking another sip, I feel a slight pressure on my bladder and figure now is as good a time as any to go ahead and break the seal. I weave through the crowded deck and make my way inside the house to find a bathroom. I smile and nod at a few of the players, stop once to get an introduction, and then easily find the bathroom that sits along a short hall that borders the staircase to the second floor. There's a line waiting, so I take my place and lean back against the wall, thinking about everything that just transpired between me and Todd.

  It would be so easy to blame part of my reticence on Hawke. He's got my stomach in knots, taking what very little focus I have left and destroying it. Stirring up feelings, making me rehash old memories. It's enough to drive a girl batty, and surely it's why I'm having some doubts about my feelings for Todd.

  Right?

  "You doing okay?" I hear Hawke ask, and I twist my neck to see him standing there, an affable smile on his face.

  "Yeah...sure. Just need to use the bathroom. I don't handle beer as well as I used to."

  And the minute those words pop out of my mouth, I realize I really need to use the bathroom. I squeeze my legs together involuntarily.

  Hawke gives a chuckle, takes my hand, and pulls me away from the line. "Come on. You can use the one in my room."

  My body instantly rebels, pulling back against him. "No, that's okay. I don't mind waiting."

  Hawke doesn't even look at me, but tugs me along behind him. Past the line of people waiting and right up the staircase. I try one more time to pull away, but the pressure in my bladder increases at the thought of a toilet nearby and I find myself trotting up the stairs in urgency.

  He turns right at the top and down a hallway to the end, where he opens the door to what must be the master bedroom.

  I take a quick survey, see packing boxes all over the floor. His bed is devoid of sheets and just has a few pillows and a blanket on top.

  "Still unpacking?" I ask.

  "Yup. But this is the last room," he says as he releases my hand. He nods over my shoulder with a pointed look. "Bathroom's in there."

  I gratefully spin away from him and practically waddle my way in, not failing to hear the soft chuckle from Hawke that causes my belly to flip. I shut the door firmly behind me, twist the lock, and then lean back against it for a moment.

  The skin on the palm of my hand still tingles from where we were touching and my heart is fluttering madly, taking the focus away from my bursting bladder.

  Damn, Hawke. Why does he do this to me?

  Chapter 9

  Hawke

  I know I should turn around and walk my ass back down the stairs. Rejoin the party. Drink another beer.

  I'm already sporting a massive buzz, and the last thing I need to do is lose my head completely around Vale. Who sits just on the other side of the door--literally--with that flowing cotton skirt speckled with flowers probably hiked around her waist.

  Fuck, but she's different. The old Vale would have shown up at a party with ripped jeans hanging low on her hips, a bustier that came down to just above her navel with her tits spilling out, and those green eyes lined with heavy eyeliner. She screamed party. She always screamed sex.

  But tonight, the simplicity of her skirt that hangs just at her knees, along with a white tank top and a lightweight yellow sweater, screams a different kind of sexy. It's flirty...feminine. Something Vale always was, but it was always just so understated. Now she looks like she should be sitting down to afternoon tea rather than slamming beers at a Cold Fury party.

  And yet I'm just as much, if not more, attracted to her in this getup that's so very different from the woman I knew. It's a more mature Vale...a softer woman. Still with that scared look in her eyes that I've become used to when she's near me, and that is something I don't like very much.

  Don't like the douche she showed up with either, but I have to say, they haven't hung together much tonight. Instead, Vale nursed a beer and hovered near her father, while her boyfriend mingled. I walked by one conversation he was having with a puck bunny about veneers. Talk about lame.

  I hear the toilet flush and I tell myself again...get the fuck gone.

  Instead, I walk over to the door and prop my arms up on the door casing. I listen to water run, assume she's washing her hands. I can imagine her possibly fluffing her hair while she looks in the mirror, possibly reapplying gloss to those perfectly full lips.

  I nearly groan at the thought of those lips. The way they used to look as they slid up and down on my...

  The doorknob turns and my fingers grip into the casing, holding steady rather than retreating. Vale's head is down as she steps out, causing her to walk right into me. She bounces back slightly and I resist the urge to reach out and steady her.

  She looks up at me standing there, hulking in the doorway, and her eyes flare wide with surprise.

  "What are you doing?" she mutters.

  "Making sure everything came out okay," I tell her with a cheesy grin.

  Her lips quirk up and she shakes her head. "That's lame."

  I release my hold on the door casing and then lean one shoulder against it, crossing my arms over my chest. This doesn't have me towering over her, but still blocks her exit. "You know what's lame?" I ask her with a smirk.

  "What's that?" she asks, her head tilting to the side and her eyes bright with curiosity.

  "Your boyfriend...Tad."

  She narrows her eyes at me and the smile slides from her face. "It's Todd."

  "More like toad," I counter.

  "What are you like five years old or something?" she asks dryly.

  Pushing off from my perch, I take a step into her. She takes a wary step back.

  "Seriously...what do you see in that guy?" I ask her as I advance. She continues to walk backward, until her back comes up flat against the door to my shower.

  "Todd's a great guy," she says firmly. "He's kind...nice. Devoted."

  "Loyal?" I ask as I take one more step, bringing me to within inches of her body.

  She sucks in a breath and whispers, "Yes."

  My hand reaches out, probably fueled by my buzz, but more so by a flare of anger that suddenly hits me square in the chest. I take a lock of her hair in my hand and rub my fingers against it. My eyes slide up to hers. "Does he know you're not?"

  "Not what?" Her voice is quietly full of shame.

  "That you're not loyal."

  Vale's eyes flare hot with indignation and her hands come up to slap against my chest. She tries to push me back but I don't budge an inch. "I've been loyal to Todd."

  "I'm sure you have been," I say with a nonchalant shrug as I look down at her. "But you'll cut him loose too. Break his poor heart. Leave him high and dry."

  Vale lets out a snarl of outrage, but I cut her off, my alcohol consumption lowering my inhibitions and turning me into a supreme asshole.

  "Come on, Vale, it's what you do," I taunt her, feeling an overwhelming need to make her feel bad about herself. I want her to feel bad so that maybe she feels a tiny bit of what I went through when she cut me loose. I place my hands flat on the shower stall, one on either side of her head, effectively caging her in. "Isn't that right? When you've had enough, you just slam the door tight."

  I see pain and misery flash across her face and I instantly feel like shit. I promised myself that I wouldn't do this to Vale...not while she was going through all this shit with her dad. I know the alcohol is fueling me on. I know I should say I'm sorry, but I still can't bring myself to apologize for true feelings, so I let loose any further inhibitions I may have been holding back and let my buzz push me to do something else instead.

  I kiss her.

  Lean my body in, press my lips to h
ers, and push them apart.

  Vale gives a tiny gasp of surprise, and it's enough of an opening that my tongue slides fluidly into her mouth.

  And I groan, because this right here is fucking heaven.

  Vale may have changed into someone virtually unrecognizable to my old self, but this mouth...these lips...her taste. It's all 100 percent the same, and a jolt of lust seizes me hard.

  My hands go to her shoulders first, then slide around to her back so I can pull her in tight to me. I stake my claim by moving one hand to the back of her head, the other to her lower back, and I press her into me so she can feel just how much I want her.

  No matter how much I might despise what she did to me, I apparently still want her.

  Vale tries to pull her mouth from mine, but I just hold her tighter. She manages to mumble against me, "Hawke...don't..."

  I ignore her but use the opportunity to slide my lips over to her jaw.

  "I can't do this," Vale whispers, but I choose to believe she doesn't mean it.

  I kiss along her neck, heartened when her fingers curl into the material of my shirt. With my lips now by her ear, I murmur, "Yes, you can."

  She gives a shake of her head and I feel her tense up, so I kiss her again, full on the mouth. My fingers grip into her hair and I tug so her face tilts more toward mine, deepening the kiss. I'm rewarded with a very clear moan from Vale that I can feel bubbling against my tongue.

  Then she's kissing me back.

  No holds barred, her teeth knocking against mine as she pushes into me. Tongue rolling over mine, lips soft but insistent. I drop a hand to her waist, grip it for a moment, then start dragging the material of her skirt up her leg. Blood is roaring through my head and I feel dizzy from lust and beer and the taste of Vale.

  Suddenly, Vale's hand is clamped onto my wrist, stilling the motion of me pulling her skirt up. She pulls her mouth free of mine and desperately pleads, "Don't."

  That's unacceptable to me. I'm too far gone.

  My mouth goes back to her neck, and I do this because it's Vale's weakness. It's where she's most sensitive, and there was a time in our lives where she could deny me nothing if I was kissing her there. The minute my lips slide along her soft flesh, I feel her body relax, although her grip on my wrist remains firm.

  "Come on, Vale," I whisper against her neck, and my cock thumps in my pants when she shivers. "Let me in."

  "I can't...Todd," she murmurs, but her grip loosens on my wrist. Her mind and body are warring, so I'm going to take advantage of her body's weakness, not giving a fuck about her boyfriend.

  I inchworm my fingers, pulling the material up by the handfuls until finally I feel the silky, smooth skin of her outer thigh. I nip at her neck with my teeth before leaning away from her. I have to see this.

  Tilting my head to the side and down, I see that Vale's creamy skin is bared to midthigh, her skirt bunched up in the palm of my hand. It's overwhelming seeing her like this. I want to touch her, taste her...I want to go down on her until she forgets Todd's name and she's coming on my tongue.

  But apparently, without my lips against her neck holding her hostage, some semblance of sanity returns to Vale and she pushes against my hand again. "Don't," she says firmly.

  Unacceptable.

  Absolutely, unequivocally not accepting that.

  "Vale," I cajole as I lean in toward the sweet spot just beneath her ear. "Let me touch you."

  Her fingers tighten on my wrist. "No, Hawke...I'm with Todd."

  Unacceptable.

  "Not at this moment," I tease her just before licking against her skin. I pull against her hold, trying to get her skirt higher. My fingers skim against the inner part of her thigh and she lets out another tiny moan.

  "That's it," I praise her, layering my words in between kisses against her neck. "Just a little more."

  Vale tenses, relaxes, then tenses again. She's conflicted but I'm winning.

  "Come on, baby," I murmur. Kiss...nip, then a lick. "Let me see that tattoo. Just a peek and I'll let you go."

  She tenses again and my fingers brush against that spot on her inner thigh that I need to see. That area where she branded my name on her skin when she was eighteen.

  "Hawke," Vale says softly, and it's not a plea this time. It sounds like a warning, but I choose not to heed it.

  I have to see. I need to see that spot on the softest part of her body, right on her inner left thigh just a mere four or five inches from her pussy.

  "Let me see it, Vale," I say harshly.

  See it. Lick it. Bite at it.

  My head spins faster.

  "No," she says as she shakes her head.

  I pull my face up and glare down at her. "What does your boyfriend think every time he goes down on you and sees my name staring at him? Does it piss him off? Has it dissuaded him from putting his face between those beautiful legs?"

  Vale goes rock solid in my arms, her nails digging down into the skin of my wrist viciously. I know I've crossed the line as fury blazes from those fern-colored eyes and she hisses at me, "You want to see it?"

  Her voice is so venomous I'm not sure that I do anymore, but I go ahead and nod. "Yeah...I want to see it."

  I need to see that tiny part of me that she was forced to keep after she abandoned me. It will be a victory of sorts, I tell myself.

  "Fine," she seethes, and wrenches her skirt out of my grasp, pulling it right up to her hips. I catch a flash of pale pink underwear as she tilts her leg, giving me the inside of her thigh. Her eyes are shooting daggers at me and she taunts me, "Go ahead, Hawke. You want to know what Todd thinks when he sees my tattoo? Go ahead...get your precious look."

  Dread fills me and now I most certainly don't want to look. But I can't fucking help myself. I'm a glutton for punishment.

  My eyes slowly drag downward, barely heeding those pink panties made of flimsy lace, right down to where I should be seeing the word Hawke in capital Gothic lettering.

  Instead, I'm greeted with a massive array of red roses and green leaves woven into latticework that curls around her leg. It's stunning...darkly beautiful, and completely concealing. My name is simply...gone.

  My head jerks up as I step back from Vale. "You covered it up?"

  Her face flushes red and she looks at me with scorn. "Of course I did. What did you expect?"

  I sure as fuck didn't expect that.

  Dragging a hand through my hair, I take two wobbly steps back and sit my ass on the edge of the sink counter. My gaze lowers to the floor and from my periphery, I see Vale drop her skirt, covering the offensive-to-me roses.

  "I know you think I was disloyal to you, because of the way I--"

  "Vale," I say tiredly, my head pounding as my buzz starts to fade.

  I don't want to hear this. I thought I wanted answers, but now is not the time. Knowing she obliterated me from her body tears open old wounds that I'd rather she not pour salt into.

  "And I was...no doubt," she says, continuing. "I know the way I handled it, it was wrong."

  I want to clap my hands over my ears. I want to reverse time to just five minutes ago when I showed her the bathroom. Because that Hawke, the one that doesn't want to hear this, would have hauled his ass down the stairs and rejoined his party, being none the wiser.

  "But just know this," she says softly. "I did it because I was being loyal to myself."

  Vale then scurries out of the bathroom, and in a flash, she's gone.

  I let out a pent-up breath of frustration and push off the counter.

  I was being loyal to myself.

  Now what the fuck did that mean?

  Just a mere moment ago, I was tired of the conversation and didn't want to know a damn thing anymore. But she can't just leave that little tidbit there unresolved and think I'm not going to demand an explanation. I stride with purpose out of the bathroom, down the hall, and take the stairs two at a time. I head straight out to the back deck, instinctively knowing Vale is in flight mode and will be in the pro
cess of collecting her father and boyfriend for a hasty escape.

  I spot her quickly, leaning up on tiptoe to whisper something into Todd's ear. He looks irritated, glances around, and then nods curtly at her. She takes him by the hand and starts leading him toward her father.

  I push through the crowd, and in four well-placed steps, I'm in front of her. She looks up at me with surprise and drops Todd's hand.

  "You're going to have to explain that one to me, Vale," I tell her, referring to her parting shot.

  Her face becomes panicked and she glances up at Todd. I don't bother doing the same, instead keeping my gaze pinned on my quarry. She turns back to me and says, "Not now, Hawke."

  "Yes, now," I say, widening my stance and crossing my arms over my chest. "What did you mean you were being loyal to yourself?"

  "Hawke," Vale whispers pleadingly. "We can talk about it later."

  "Fuck that," I say with quiet menace as I lean forward. Keeping my voice low so only she and Todd can hear me--because I don't intend to embarrass Vale in front of my guests--I tell her, "You can talk about it now because seven years is fucking long enough. We can go back up to my room if you want privacy, but it's time you came clean with me."

  "Vale," Todd says as he takes a step closer to her. "What's going on?"

  Vale cuts Todd a sharp look. "I'll explain later."

  She then turns to look at me and in a pleading voice, she says, "Hawke...please, let's talk about this later."

  A low burning in my gut wants me to push her, but the tone of her voice gives me some pause. I have a houseful of guests and I truly don't want my business aired in front of them.

  So I reluctantly give her a curt nod of acceptance.

  But then, I can't help myself. I need to lash out, just a bit, so I add, "You might as well tell Todd the entire truth since you're going to be explaining things to him. Make sure he knows exactly how close we were all those years ago."

  I turn away from them both, but not before I see Vale's shoulders sag in defeat.