Affirmation Read online

Page 1

  Things are off, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.

  Ever since Marissa showed up this past weekend and took Gabe, Matt has been a little withdrawn. When I ask him what’s wrong, he gives me a bright smile and says ‘nothing’. When I try to talk about something personal, he deflects and gets me turned around in another direction.

  Some things are the same. For example, the sex is still nuclear and consistent. We can’t get enough of each other and for that, I’m thankful. Still… I feel like I’m grasping onto Matt, like he’s on the verge of slipping away, and that is causing me a lot of anxiety.

  “That smells fantastic,” Matt says as he comes up behind me while I stir the spaghetti sauce. He puts his hands on my h*ps and leans his chin on my shoulder to watch me cook. It’s a simple gesture, but one that gives me hope that maybe things will be okay.

  “Why don’t you set the table? This will be done soon. ”

  “Sure. Will Macy be joining us?”

  I shake my head. “She’s got a date, and by date, I mean she has a one-night stand. ”

  Chuckling, Matt grabs a few plates and silverware to take to the table. “I thought I used that service a lot, but Macy takes the cake. ”

  Turning to look at him, I try to keep the jealousy out of my voice. “Exactly how often were you using it before you met me?”

  Setting the last fork down, he turns to gaze at me, with a knowing smile on his face. He walks up to me and holds my chin between his thumb and forefinger. Leaning down, he gives me a light kiss. “I used it a lot, Mac. But none of those one-night stands ever compared to you, and I don’t miss it in the slightest. ”

  And just like that, Matt has erased some of the uneasiness I had been feeling about our relationship.

  After dinner, we both get comfy in my living room. I have to review a deposition transcript, and Matt is watching ESPN’s Sports Center. We sit beside each other companionably until I finish, which is indicated by the fact I throw the transcript on my coffee table and give a huge yawn.

  Matt practically pounces on me. “About damn time you got done. I’ve been dying to f**k you. ”

  Giggling, I wrap my warms around his neck as he kisses me like his life depends on it. “You could have had me at any time,” I tell him when we come up for air.

  “I was trying to be a gentleman,” he says as he lifts me from the couch and carries me back to my bedroom. “But I’m not feeling so gentlemanly now. Think you can take it a little rough?”

  I slide down the front of him when we reach my bed, feeling how hard he is already, and a thrill of excitement goes through me. “I can take anything you’ve got. ”

  Eyes firing hot with desire, he pulls me back to him and crushes my mouth with his. It’s carnal, possessive, and I love it. Just as he’s pulling my shirt over my head, his phone starts ringing. The ringtone is Heart’s Barracuda, and Matt tenses up when he hears it.

  “Fuck,” he says, stepping away from me and taking his phone out of his pocket.

  Connecting the call, he holds it to his ear and snarls, “What do you want?”

  I watch as he listens to, who I’m guessing is Marissa, on the other end. The ringtone sort of gave it away, but Matt’s demeanor pretty much solidifies it. He listens for several minutes, his face getting even tighter. He even clenches one hand in a fist until the skin on his knuckles pales to white.

  “Absolutely not,” Matt says. “I won’t agree to it. ”

  He listens for a bit more, and I can practically hear him gritting his teeth. Then his face changes, softens slightly. His voice is warm and open. “Hey buddy. So what do you want to do this weekend?”

  Again, Matt listens and his eyes close as if he’s in pain, causing my heart to lurch for him.

  A wounded smile graces Matt’s lips, and he says quietly, “Okay, Gabe. Sure… I’ll see you soon. ”

  Another two seconds and, apparently, Marissa is back on the phone because Matt says, “You f**king bitch. Don’t ever pit him against me like that again, or I will sue you for full custody. ”

  Then he disconnects the phone and just stares at it.

  Taking a step forward, I lay my hand on his arm. “What happened?”

  Matt seems caught off guard and looks at me in surprise. Then his features smooth out, and he says, “Nothing. Marissa’s taking Gabe to Hershey Park this weekend. ”

  “But it’s your weekend. You were going to take him to Coney Island. ”

  Matt gives a harsh laugh, and his voice is bitter. “Yeah… doesn’t work that way with Marissa. Not when she bribes Gabe and then puts him on the phone to tell me how much he wants to go. I can’t say no to him, and she knows it. ”

  His body is radiating tension, and I feel the driving need to take it away. I step into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. Laying my cheek on his chest, I rub his back. Up and down, side to side, round circles. His heartbeat is galloping under my ear.

  “Can you take her to court or something to get her to stop doing this?”

  Another harsh laugh from Matt, but he doesn’t answer me. Instead, he pulls my face up and starts kissing me. It’s instantly deep and sensual, his tongue knowing immediately how to pull me into the game. I think briefly about pulling away and making Matt talk to me, but it’s like he senses my thoughts.

  He murmurs against my mouth, “No more talking, Mac. Just f**king, okay?”

  His voice sounds pleading and needful, and it’s not so much that he needs my body… he just needs to not think about Marissa and her evil ways. He wants to purge thoughts of her and what she does to him out of his memory.

  While I really want to have a conversation about this with Matt, because I think he needs someone to vent to, I know that it is much easier to give into his physical needs right now.

  I relinquish myself into the lust and passion that always flows hot between us. Within minutes, we are na**d and he is sunk deep into my body.

  I unlock my apartment door and push my way inside, immediately depositing my briefcase on the floor as I kick off my shoes. I’m exhausted.

  “What are you doing here?” Macy asks as she walks out of the kitchen, holding a glass of wine.

  “I live here. Or did you forget?”

  Macy turns around to head back into the kitchen, and I follow. “I didn’t forget. It’s just you’re usually over at Matt’s, or Matt is here with you. This is like the third night in a row you’ve been here… by yourself. ”

  My shoulders sag under the pitiful reminder that it is indeed the third night in a row that Matt has begged off spending with me. I’m sick with confusion over this.

  “So what’s the deal?” Macy asks as she pours me a glass of wine and hands it to me. She has something cooking in the oven, and it smells heavenly.

  Sighing, I shrug my shoulders and lean against the counter. “I don’t know. Last three nights he’s apologized, said he has a ton of work to do, and kisses me on the forehead with a promise we’ll get together soon. ”

  Macy looks surprised and gives me a devilish grin. “I’m surprised Matt can go that long without banging you. ”

  I grimace in return. “Well, he didn’t really go that long. Right after he told me he couldn’t come over tonight, he locked my door, pushed me up against the wall, and screwed the hell out of me in my office. ”

  “Nice,” Macy says, genuinely impressed.

  “No!” I insist. “It’s not nice. He’s pulling away from me, Macy, and it’s tearing me up. This is how he was before. Just wanting the sex and no intimacy. I’ve been feeling it ever since that weekend Marissa took Gabe away. ”

  Not to be deterred, Macy sort of nudges my shoulder with hers. “But you got to admit… pretty hot screwing you right there in your office, right?”<
br />
  Rolling my eyes, I take a deeper sip of wine. “Yes, that’s hot, and I’m the first to admit I like that stuff. But I’m afraid that we’re heading back to where that is all there is between us. ”

  I finally get a sympathetic look from Macy. “Have you talked to him about it?”

  I snort hard and take a gulp of wine. Waving my glass, I say, “Talk to Matt? Are you kidding? Like an actual conversation? Any time I try, he sidetracks me with sex. He’s deflecting me by preying on my ovaries. ”

  “Maybe he just needs a little time. I mean, this stuff with his ex-bitch just happened. Don’t get all upset now when he may snap out of it in a few days. ”

  I empty my glass of wine and pour another. Perhaps she’s right. Maybe Matt’s just having a few rough days, and I need to have some patience with him. It’s hard though, because although it was never brought up again between us, I certainly have not forgot the night I was drunk and confessed I loved him. Yes, I remembered that clearly the next day, just as I remembered he didn’t say the words back.

  So I want to have some patience with him, and I want to help him work through his woes, but the feeling is made even more desperate by the fact that I’m in love with him and the thought of losing him is crushing.

  And worse yet, Matt is just a portion of my woes.

  At the beginning of the week, Matt introduced Kylie Wynn to the firm, the newest attorney on our legal team. She wasn’t an employee of Connover and Crown, but Matt was contracting with her to help work the appellate case on the Pearson trial that he had lost a few weeks ago.

  While Matt is fully capable of handling the appeal on his own, his trial load over the next several months is insane, so he wants extra help to work the case.

  After Matt introduced Kylie to the firm, he called her and me into his office to discuss the appeal.

  Let me just say, I hated Kylie from the minute she opened her mouth, and for a variety of reasons.

  First, she’s one of those lawyers that thinks her shit don’t stink. Yes, I know that is bad grammar, but it punctuates my feelings rather well. She is condescending, rude, and arrogant, except with Matt, of course. She talked to me like I was a third grader, and spent an inordinate amount of time blowing rainbows up Matt’s ass.

  Second, and this is not being said with any hint of partiality or bias, but she has the hots for Matt. I can tell, and worse yet, I know Matt can tell. Oh, some of her signs are subtle, such as licking her lips and bending forward to expose cle**age.

  Other signs are not so subtle, like the way she sits in a chair and crosses her legs just so her skirt slides up and exposes the bottom of her thigh-high stocking. To Matt’s credit, his eyes didn’t stray down, but then she made a big production of pulling her skirt down in the hopes of garnering his attention. It was at this precise moment that I had seen enough and clumsily happened to knock my glass of water over on the table.

  Kylie wasn’t so much interested then in Matt looking at her legs, but was more concerned with saving her Ferragamo briefcase that was close to getting waterlogged.

  The thing that upsets me the most, and hence why I intend on chugging this second glass of wine, is that Matt doesn’t seem overly put off by her behavior. Again, he hasn’t engaged with her, but he doesn’t shun her the way he did with Lorraine. For example, Kylie had laid her hand on Matt’s arm when she was making a point, and rather than pull his arm back the way he used to do with Lorraine, he left it there… let her touch him and didn’t even appear to want to stop it.

  To cap it all off, Kylie made it clear that I was going to be her little bitch of a gopher on this case, and Matt did nothing to dispel that notion. As our meeting was wrapping up, Kylie handed me the file and said, “McKayla, I’ll need you to make me one copy of the file and also scan a copy, so I can have the digital version as well. ”

  I glanced at Matt, and he confirmed my worst suspicion. I was to do as Kylie asked because she was the big dog when it came to appellate matters.