Mitigation Read online

Page 2

  I caved, and now here I am.

  I had made my decision to discontinue extraordinary measures for my mom. Dr. Fritz asked how much time I would need for friends and family to say goodbye, and I honestly wasn’t sure. My mom and dad’s families were all out in California. Mom and Dad had settled in Nashville when I was three years old.

  After a brief call with Aunt Kay, my mom’s sister, she felt we should let her go now rather than wait for them to all fly in. No one really wanted Mom suffering on the respirator for very long, and Aunt Kay promised she’d be in the following day to help with the funeral. That left her friends locally, and I merely called her pastor and advised him that if anyone wanted to visit, they could come by in the evening.

  I told Dr. Fritz I wanted to do it first thing in the morning, and so we scheduled it for eight AM. I even put an appointment entry on my iPhone calendar, and then realized that was a f**king moronic move. There was no way I was going to forget this particular appointment, so I erased it.

  Finishing my shower, I brush my teeth. I take a few minutes to dry my hair before I throw on the hotel robe that Matt had apparently stuck on the back of the door because it hadn’t been there when I stepped into the bathroom.

  When I come out into the room, I see that Matt has some food laid out.

  “I know you ate just a few hours ago,” Matt says as he uncovers everything, “so I just got something light… some soup and sandwiches. And after you eat, you’re heading straight to bed to get some rest. ”

  He pulls the chair out for me to sit down, so I do. He even takes my napkin, snaps it out, and lays it on my lap with flourish. I really and truly cannot help the giggle that comes out. That seems to egg Matt on so he opens the bottled water and holds it out for me to inspect, stating, “Our finest vintage, madam. ”

  “It looks spectacular,” I tell him, and we both chuckle while he pours me some water.

  Matt keeps my mind occupied as we eat. He tells me that Lorraine seems to have calmed down, and they are rationally discussing Bill taking over her caseload. I also make a quick phone call to Macy just to tell her how sorry I am for my behavior and assure her I wasn’t thinking clearly. She told me she was catching a flight to Nashville in the morning and that she would stay here until I was ready to come back.

  When we finish eating, Matt takes the tray and sticks it outside our room door for housekeeping to pick up. I root through my bag, trying to find something to wear but, apparently, I didn’t throw in a single pair of pajamas. Grabbing a pair of underwear, I slip them on under the robe, and then stand up. I place my hands on my hips, looking around in confusion.

  “What’s wrong?” Matt asks.

  “I forgot my pajamas. ”

  “No worries,” Matt says, and he lifts the t-shirt he’s wearing over his head. He tosses it at me. “Put this on… it will be more comfortable than wearing that robe to bed. ”

  I open the robe and shrug it off my shoulders, dropping it to the ground. I have no modesty where Matt’s concerned… he’s seen it all.

  Hell, he’s licked it all.

  Just before I put his t-shirt over my head, I lock eyes with him, and he’s watching me with an odd mixture of what I think is lust, but also compassion. It’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen, and it unsettles me. I have a rush of desire for him in that moment, but I also have no want or need to act upon it. Instead, I inhale his scent from the t-shirt and look longingly at the fluffy pillows on the bed, which are calling my name.

  Matt pulls back the covers and motions me under. When he has me tucked in, he walks to the other side and takes off his jeans. Even though I’m exhausted and heartsick, I lie on my side and watch him with appreciation. His body is utterly beautiful, and I sigh knowing that tonight it’s only for me to look at. Matt catches me checking him out, and I’m not even embarrassed. But I am so tired that I can do nothing but give him a tiny smile.

  Matt then pulls out his laptop from his briefcase.

  “Do you mind if I do some work?” he asks me.

  Still smiling at him, I give a tiny shake of my head.

  Setting the laptop on the bedside table, Matt gets under the covers and turns to his side so we’re staring at each other.

  “Do you want me to hold you until you fall asleep?” he whispers.

  His words are like a soothing balm over my shredded heart, and I nod. He pulls me into his embrace, tucking my head under his chin. His hands slowly stroke my back, up and down. Long, measured strokes… not too light and not too firm. Just enough to relax me and, before I know it, my eyes start to close.

  I think my last thought before I went to bed was that if Matt treated me like this all the time, I’d probably fall head over heels in love with him.

  Macy had begged me not to return to work so soon. I just buried my mom two days ago, having flown back to New York the day after the funeral. I just couldn’t stand being there… in my mom’s house… without her there.

  Even worse, I longed to see Matt again, and I’m ashamed to say that also prompted my quick return. He stayed in Nashville with me the morning after I had fallen asleep in his arms. He stood by my side when they disconnected my mom from the machines. He kept his arm around me while we waited for her to die, and then he let me sob in his arms when they pronounced her gone.

  But he didn’t stay too much longer after that. Not that I expected him to. He told me the day he arrived that he had to get back to the firm soon, so I never, ever expected him to stay for the funeral. I was just so very happy and so very touched that he chose to come be by my side for the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

  I’m sure Matt saw what he did as nothing more than a kind gesture, but I saw it for so much more. Matt can gripe, moan, bitch, and complain until he’s blue in the face that he’s only in this for the sex with me, but he’d be a damn liar. There are feelings there on his part, and I intend to flush them out.

  So while I’m still grieving for my mother, I intend to get back into the swing of my life in an effort to help ease the pain. I’m also going to push at Matt until I can break him out of his rigid rule of ‘sex only’ encounters.

  When I arrive at the office, I’m met with tons of my new colleagues giving me hugs and kind words of compassion. It touches me deeply and, when I get into my office, there’s a huge bouquet of flowers and a card signed by everyone in the firm. I let my fingers drag slowly over all the names while tears fill my eyes.

  “Welcome back,” I hear from the doorway. I look over to see Matt standing there. He’s holding onto the doorframe with both hands and just sort of leans into my office. I quickly blink away the tears, but I know he saw them. He doesn’t look ill at ease though and just smiles at me.

  “Hey,” I say in soft welcome. Seeing him is even better than I could have imagined, and I envision him walking in and wrapping his arms around me.

  He doesn’t do that though. He just stays where he is, appraising me. “So… everything okay? Sure you’re ready to be back to work already?”

  “I’m sure,” I tell him with a confident smile.

  “Good,” he says. “There’s a new case I just assigned to you… You’ll see an email about it. Review it, and you’ll be handling the depositions next month. ”

  “Oh-kay,” I drawl out.

  I wait for him to say more… to ask how I’m feeling, to ask about the funeral, to ask to make sure I’m really, really okay. I kind of sort of wait for a hug. Cocking my head to the side, I wait for it.

  And wait for it.

  Finally, Matt looks left and right down the hall and, confident no one is nearby, he leans in a little further and lowers his voice. “Can I see you tonight?”

  “Yes,” I say quickly, relieved that he does indeed want to be with me. I was starting to think his cool demeanor might have meant our time was at an end… yet again, and I just wasn’t ready for that.

  “What do you want m
e to bring to eat?” he asks with a smile.

  “Surprise me,” I tell him.

  He gives me a nod, and then he’s gone. I stare at the empty doorway for a few moments, trying to determine if I should be worried or not by his behavior. I mean… it’s typical Matt behavior. Slightly cool, a little aloof, but still interested in hot orgasms with me. Nothing odd there.

  Except, I think maybe I expected him to be a little warmer to me. He had, after all, stood by my side while my mother died, letting me cry in his arms. He held me in his arms all night. Yes, all night. I woke up with him holding me, his laptop in the same exact position he had left it before pulling me into his embrace.

  Regardless, I shake the thoughts, content for now in knowing that I would be with him tonight, and I could gauge things then.

  Booting up my computer, I start wading through what seems like a gazillion messages. I see the email from Matt telling me about the new case he assigned to me… a slip and fall at a grocery store. I have to smile at it. He said, “This is a crap case and you’re going to lose it, but it’s perfect to cut your teeth on. ”

  There’s an email from Cal wanting to know how I was doing and asking to get together for lunch soon. I smile because I was in turmoil about Cal before, knowing that he was interested in me, but I wasn’t interested in him. Now that he knows I have feelings for Matt, he truly seems to want to be friends and that is something you can never have enough of. I shoot him a reply stating that I was free any time this week. He responded back immediately, and we made plans for Friday.

  The rest of the day goes by quickly, because I have a ton of stuff to do but not enough hours in the day. It’s almost seven PM, and I need to get home.

  No, I want to get home… so I can see Matt.

  Nothing has changed between Matt and me since I returned from Nashville.

  Every night this week, he’s shown up like clockwork and proceeded to wring the most exquisite pleasure out of my body. I returned the favor to him, time and again.

  No, nothing has changed in that regard. We are still combustible. We are still insatiable. There is a driving need for him to be inside of me, and there is a raging desire for me to let him get there.

  I tried to get him to open up to me. That first night after I returned, I waited until we had collapsed on my bed. Both of us rolled onto our backs and gasped for air as we stared at the ceiling. When our pulses started to decline, I rolled on my side to face him and said, “I wanted to thank you again for coming to Nashville. That really meant a lot to me. ”

  Matt slowly turned his head to look at me, his face impassive. He gave me a dim smile and said, “It was no biggie. ”

  No biggie? The man dropped everything and flew to be by my side while my mom died. How can that be nothing?

  So I tried again, “It was a big deal, Matt. It changes things… don’t you think?”

  I couldn’t believe it… it was panic that I saw flare bright in his eyes. He looked like he was ready to bolt from the bed while I stared at him in interest. Then, the panic receded and was replaced by desire. He dragged his gaze down my body and said, “I have a better idea—less talk and more action. ”

  He then proceeded to render me speechless with just his lips alone. By the time he was done with me, I had no desire for more conversation. I was well and truly spent, and I fell asleep almost right away.

  Of course, he was gone when I woke up the next morning.

  Now my doorbell rings, and I want to kick myself in the ass for the way my blood fires up, knowing Matt is on the other side. Tonight will be the same—wonderfully hot sex with an emotionally closed-off man. As you can see, there are pros and cons to this scenario.

  The pros? That’s easy… I’ll get a minimum of three orgasms, and if I only get the minimum, that means Matt’s having an off night. I’ll get to have hours of pure heaven, having a man that is focused usually on just my pleasure, only taking his when he’s confident he’s given me all he has.