Jett Read online

  Jett takes the glass from my hand, leans over to put it on the coffee table. He pulls me in closer to him, so we’re snuggled up on the couch. “You almost sound guilty that you have nothing left for him.”

  “I guess I feel I should take a higher road maybe?” I posit with uncertainty.

  “From where I’m sitting, Emory, you’ve been on the high road the entire time. You’re still there now. I admire how you’re handling this.”

  “Thank you,” I whisper, tilting my head so I can kiss him on the underside of his jaw. His arms tighten reflexively on me.

  “Is he going to stay in Phoenix for a while?” Jett asks, shifting a little so we sink deeper into the cushions.

  “So he says,” I mutter in disappointment. “I really thought he’d go back to L.A. to stay with his parents. They’re very well off and are the ones who pay for all his rehab. They’re paying for the hotel he’s staying in, but I expect at some point they’ll get him an apartment if he wants to stay.”

  “Have they seen Felicity over these last few years that Shane’s been in the wind?” he asks.

  I shake my head, my voice heavy with sadness. “No, and that’s something I don’t get. They call maybe once a month to talk to her, but my parents FaceTime her almost every day… even if it’s just to talk for a few minutes. They’re crushed we moved away but they’ll be coming to visit frequently and we’ll go back there. Felicity is really tight with them but Shane’s parents just never really took to being grandparents.”

  There’s no stopping it, but without warning a long yawn escapes me and it’s so deep that my eyes water. I feel boneless and secure in Jett’s arms, and the tension I’d been feeling is gone. I could drift into a hard sleep right now, but I don’t want to do that. My time with Jett is so limited, I want to savor every moment.

  “Tired?” he asks.

  I shake my head in denial, and I know he knows it’s a lie.

  “Tell you what,” he says, pushing up from the couch and forcing me off him. The movement has me jolting a bit. “Let’s go to bed.”

  “I’m not tired,” I insist again, and now that I’m sitting up straight, I am a bit more refreshed.

  “Oh, we’re not going to bed to sleep,” he promises ominously. Nabbing my hand, he pulls me off the couch.

  “What are we going to do?” I ask playfully. His answer doesn’t really matter, because whatever it is, it will be good.

  Slipping his arms around my waist, he pulls me into his body. Dipping down, he gives me a sensuous kiss and when he pulls back, his eyes are shimmering with promise. “Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to get naked, okay?”

  “Okay,” I agree with a sharp nod of my head.

  “And then you’re going to get facedown on my bed.”

  “I like this,” I say.

  “I’m going to warm up some oil, pour it on your back and give you the best massage you’ve ever had.”

  I hum low in my throat. That sounds divine. “But won’t that put me to sleep?” I inquire, knowing it won’t though.

  “Not a chance,” he rumbles low, tipping his head and grazing his lips along my neck. “Because I’m going to take some of that oil, and rub it down between your ass cheeks, along your pussy.”

  And just like that, my legs practically buckle over his dirty, dirty words. He holds me tight by the waist though.

  Bringing his mouth to my ear, he whispers. “And after I finger fuck you to orgasm, I’m going to pull those hips up and slide you right back onto my cock.”

  “Shit,” I mutter. “That’s sexy as hell.”

  “Then,” he says so softly I barely hear him. He bites gently at my earlobe before licking it. “Then, I’m going to fuck your brains out.”

  I’ve never had a man talk dirty to me like that, but just those words have my panties damp and I can feel my pulse thrumming between my legs. I ache for Jett to be inside me.

  And just as much, I ache for him to hold me afterward and let me settle into sleep with him at my back.

  Yeah… nothing about him is meaningless anymore.

  CHAPTER 19

  Emory

  Felicity squeals in delight from the living room and I wonder what game she and Shane are playing that elicits such exuberance from her. I apply another layer of mascara as I hear her say, “Do it again, Daddy.”

  I wince, equally happy Felicity’s having fun with Shane as I am worried this is all just a ruse for a life she can never have with him.

  Sticking the wand back into the tube, I recap the mascara and toss it in my basket of makeup, studying myself in the mirror. I actually went a little heavier on my eyeliner, knowing it would make my blue eyes appear lighter than what they are. Against the backdrop of my hair which I’m wearing loose and wavy, as well as the fact I’m wearing my contacts and not my glasses, I admit to myself that I’m hoping Jett likes the way I look. I mean, I already know he likes me with glasses and little to no makeup, so I’m thinking he’ll like this.

  Tonight we’re making a statement. I’ve got the Olsson jersey he bought for me and I’ll be attending my first Vengeance game to sit in the fan section with the sole intent of cheering on my man. It makes me almost giddy.

  Felicity shrieks from the living room again, and then proclaims loudly, “Magic isn’t real, Daddy.”

  I can’t help but smile. I know Shane is doing some lame magic trick with her. He learned several of them when she was about three years old as a means to entertain his daughter and he got pretty good at them. This was ironically during the time he was convalescing from his ski accident and starting his journey toward addiction.

  It’s been a week since Shane and Felicity have reconnected and he’s seen her in some fashion almost every day. It’s usually him coming here after she gets home from school, where they will play until I get home for dinner. This is all done under Jenna’s supervision, and she’s been an angel to take on this task. She swears it’s not a bother because she’s here anyway, but it can’t be easy watching my ex-husband like a hawk to ensure he’s not only sober but also doesn’t say something inappropriate to Felicity. I wouldn’t put it past him to start mental manipulations with her as a means to get more time together.

  He’s already done it once, and that was just a few days ago when I came home from work. Jenna had prepared a chicken and broccoli casserole and I was exhausted and starving.

  This was the time that Shane would normally give me a brief hello and leave, promising to see Felicity the next day. But before he could get to the door, Felicity was tugging the sleeve of my blouse and looking up at me with big, hopeful eyes. “Can Daddy stay for dinner with us? It’s so lonely for him to have to eat all alone each night.”

  My blood pressure surged in anger because there’s no way Felicity could come up with that on her own. I glanced at Jenna and while not a single muscle on her face ticked, I read it in her eyes. I knew she’d confirm for me later when we talked that Shane put the bug in Felicity’s ear to get the invite.

  I couldn’t say no to her. Not when confronted so blatantly, so I relented.

  Since then, he’s eaten with us every night and I’ve gritted my teeth through it, telling myself to give grace to Shane since he’s worked hard to get sober and is making an effort to re-connect with Felicity.

  More importantly, I grit my teeth and allow it because Felicity radiates happiness to have him back in her life.

  It won’t last though.

  Shane being here is shiny and new, and it’s fulfilling something in Felicity that she had shut off the valve to long ago. I need to talk to Nora for some advice on how to handle it, because I need to figure a way to stop him from getting rooted into my personal life, and when he’s eating dinner at my table, that’s definitely encroaching on me. I’ll need to make sure Felicity understands that we are not a family unit again.

  The obvious answer would be to let Shane take her out to dinner, but I still don’t trust him enough to do it. So, tonight he sat down at ou
r dinner table again.

  I excused myself after we’d eaten and did the dishes—Jenna cooks and I clean—simply saying I was going to the hockey game.

  Studying myself in the mirror, I don’t think there’s one more splash of makeup or another curl I can put into my hair. This is my best, and I’m doing it for Jett. In that way, it almost feels like a first date.

  As I step into my closet to grab a jacket, I make a mental note to ask Nora about how much leeway to give Shane. In a very short time, she’s become an amazing friend, encouraging me to call her or text whenever for advice. She had invited us out to her ranch to ride horses and we’re going tomorrow. Felicity actually took riding lessons for about six months before we moved to Phoenix and wants to get back into it, but I haven’t had the time to find a place yet. Nora’s ranch is designed for equine therapy and not for riding lessons, but I’m sure she’ll have some good recommendations for me.

  Tossing my jacket over my forearm, I nab my purse and head out of my bedroom. When I reach the living room, Shane is doing a card trick with Felicity and I watch for only a few seconds before turning into the kitchen where Jenna’s sitting at the table. She has her phone in hand, scrolling, but I know she’s really attuned to Shane and Felicity.

  She glances up at me and I get an encouraging smile from her. It says, Hang tough. This will all settle down and work itself out.

  Jenna is telling me to have patience. This thing with Shane being back in our lives is new, and it will take getting used to.

  “I’m heading out,” I say in a low voice that doesn’t carry out of the kitchen. “Are you sure it’s okay that I stay over at Jett’s tonight?”

  My sister rolls her eyes at me. “Yes, Emory. You’re entitled to have some fun once a week.”

  Her sarcasm laden voice makes me snort. We had this conversation last night when I vacillated on whether or not to go to the game and stay with Jett after. It’s a work night. A school night. I feel like I shouldn’t be bunking over at my boyfriend’s house when I have a child.

  Jenna pointed out to me that I’ve devoted my life singularly to Felicity, putting off dating, self-care, or anything else that might be to my benefit. “You need to have a life too, Emory.”

  Those words still ring in my head, but the guilt for spending a weeknight away is heavy in my gut.

  “Go,” she instructs. “And I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Leaning down, I give her a hard hug and whisper, “Thank you. I’ll be back before Felicity gets up.”

  In the living room, I tell Felicity I’m getting ready to go to the game. I don’t tell her I’m staying at Jett’s as she’ll be asleep long before the game is over and I’ll be back before she wakes up. It’s not that she’s too young to understand such things, but it will take a very transparent—but age-appropriate as Nora says—conversation with her about it and my strong feelings toward Jett.

  It’s a conversation that will not be done now, in front of Shane.

  Felicity bounds up, gives me a hard hug, and then plops back down on the floor, demanding her father do another card trick.

  Rather than indulge her, Shane actually pushes up from the floor and asks, “Can I talk to you in private before you leave?”

  My eyes drift to the clock on the kitchen wall and I hate that I actually have time. “Sure.”

  He follows me to the front door and we step out onto the porch. I turn to face him and can immediately tell he’s nervous. He clasps his hands before his stomach, slightly wringing them.

  “Listen… I’d like to be able to take Felicity some places, and I don’t appreciate Jenna hanging over us while I play with my daughter. It’s insulting and I don’t need a babysitter.”

  My rebuke comes sharp and fast. “Oh, but you do, Shane. You’ve been here a total of one week, but you were gone for two years. Excuse me if you have to build some trust.”

  “I was in rehab,” he points out reasonably.

  “Not for the entire two years,” I snap at him. “You weren’t in rehab for even most of those two years.”

  That shuts him up and he heaves a sigh. In a low, contrite voice, he says, “I know. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “Okay,” I say, not really accepting his apology because I don’t trust it.

  I turn to move down the porch steps, but he stops me by saying, “Felicity says you’re seeing someone named Jett. It wasn’t hard to figure out he’s a player for the Vengeance.”

  I only half-turn to look at him, my voice smooth as silk. “That’s none of your business, Shane.”

  “Is it serious?” he asks, ignoring my boundaries.

  I decide to tell him some truth, because I don’t want him badgering. “It’s not casual.”

  In fact, it’s way not casual. It’s becoming more serious as each day passes. This past week alone, I feel like we’ve grown immeasurably closer. We haven’t been able to see each other a lot with his game schedule, which included a road trip, but we managed to sneak in dinner one night, and a quick lunch in my office.

  When he was on the road, we were in constant contact—mostly by text—but there were chunks of time we were able to steal where we could talk.

  And the conversations went deep. We were way past wanting to know each other’s favorite movie, and instead we talked about dreams and aspirations. Hell, I even told my parents about him and they were beyond thrilled that I’ve put myself out there for the potential of “love” again. I didn’t comment on the L word but I’m glad that me dating again makes them happy.

  I didn’t get to see him much and every conversation had me missing him more. The fact that I’m incredibly excited about staying the night at his house tells me I miss the sexual intimacy too.

  “So you’d never consider—”

  Those few words jolt me out of my lovely memories of Jett and this past week, and I immediately know where he’s going. I stop it fast. “If you’re going to ask if I’d ever consider giving you a chance again, the answer is unequivocally ‘no’.”

  “Not very forgiving,” he mutters morosely.

  “Shane,” I say in a tired voice, and it’s tired because I’ve been on this merry go round with him many times before. “I forgave you time and time again. Months and months and months of ups and downs, highs and soberness, verbal abuse, neglect of Felicity… every time you went to rehab, I forgave you. I encouraged you. I stood by your side, especially when others told me to leave. And I’m sorry Shane, but there came a time I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror anymore and see a woman who was doing best by her child.”

  His tone is accusing. “So you thought it was best for Felicity to divorce me?”

  “Fuck yes it was best,” I growl at him. “While I wanted her to see a woman who was willing to care, be supportive and forgiving, I didn’t want her to see her mother stay in an abusive, loveless marriage.”

  “I loved you,” he whines. “And you left me.”

  My tone gentles, but I’m seething inside that we’re even having this conversation. “But I didn’t love you anymore; not after all the hurt you caused us. And Felicity needed to see that you don’t stay in an unhealthy situation. You make yourself strong and you move on to better things. I had a duty to teach her that and I don’t regret a thing.”

  Shane holds his hands up as if he’s surrendering. “Okay, okay. I get it. I’m a loser and I never should have expected you to uphold the vows of for better or for worse.”

  “Seriously?” I ask him in frustration. And because I’m so astounded he’d even go there, all I can do is repeat, “Seriously?”

  “I’m just saying—”

  “Good night, Shane,” I say firmly as I give him my back, moving quickly down the steps.

  “Wait,” he says beseechingly, and something about his tone makes me stop. He’s out of his pity party, I can tell.

  I glance back at him.

  “I’m really sorry,” he says and I can tell he’s being genuine. I know all the various facets of S
hane Kelly enough that I can hear truth in his voice. “That was way overboard and you didn’t deserve that. I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself for the things I lost, but I also know that’s all my fault. Not yours.”

  I hesitate a moment before nodding. “Thank you.”

  “Just bear with me, Emory.” His tone is soft and contrite. “I’m trying my best.”

  “I’m glad you are,” I commend him. It’s all I can say because I don’t know what his best is anymore, but his apology is heartfelt and it means a lot. Throwing my thumb toward the driveway, I say, “I have to get going.”

  “Yeah, sure,” he says with a genial smile as he starts to reach for the door and then turns back to me. “Um… Felicity said she’s going horseback riding tomorrow and had also told me that she used to take lessons. I’d really love to see her on a horse.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say, heavily lacing my words with an apology I don’t really feel but I try to keep the peace. “But this is a private invite to a friend’s house and…”

  My words drift off, my heart telling me to only speak the truth to Shane. I cannot be vague about where he stands in the life I’ve built with my daughter, because, for the most part, it’s going to be separate from any life he might have with her.

  “No wait,” I say, correcting myself. “It is a private invite, but that’s not why you can’t come. You can’t come because I don’t want you to come.”

  “That’s harsh,” he murmurs, but to my surprise he nods in understanding. “I get it.”

  “Do you?” I ask hesitantly. “Because Shane… my life is my life. My life with Felicity is mine alone with her. What you have with her will be yours. But you cannot be part of mine anymore. I’m really sorry if that’s harsh, but I have to protect myself too.”